Working Productively: Dealing With Verbal Abuse

Working Productively: Dealing With Verbal Abuse

We can occasionally use words in a way that hurt someone. Usually, we don't do it on purpose, and the situation can be corrected by apologizing for what was said. But some people repeatedly hurt others with their words and seem to do it deliberately. Experts call this behavior verbal abuse.

People who verbally abuse others put their jobs and relationships at risk and those who are the recipients are being mistreated and may even begin to believe what abusers say. So it's important to promptly address the problem when it occurs.

When verbal abuse occurs at work
Verbal abuse at work can come from many sources. According to a study by the national Institute for Occupational Health and Safety, verbal abuse exists in about one-fourth of American organizations, and the most common type is abuse by coworkers, followed by abuse by customers and then supervisors.

If verbal abuse happens in your office, be proactive. If the person is continually criticizing your work, ask them for feedback. Be sure your tone is not complaining or defensive, and try to diffuse the situation by saying something like, "I'm aware you seem unhappy with my work and I would like to hear what you would like me to do differently." You might even suggest some reasonable changes that you can make.

Consider changing the scene of the discussion. If verbal abuse continues in public after you've responded calmly, you may want to move to a location where others can't hear the conversation.

It's always a good idea to talk to your manager or the HR department if you're being verbally abused at work. It can have a powerful affect on how people feel about their jobs, especially if it happens repeatedly. It may also violate state or federal law if it involves race, religion, age or sex. So it's important to bring your concerns to the attention of people who can help you. Your manager or HR representative can suggest ways to solve the problem

Dealing with verbal abuse
Whenever you sense you're being verbally abused, it's important to remember to:

Stay calm. Verbal abusers often want to provoke a strong reaction from others. If you get upset, you may encourage them to continue. If you stay calm, you show that their approach isn't working and that they need to speak respectfully.
Take a mental time out before you respond. Count to 10 or take a few deep breaths. Or say nothing and look calmly at the speaker. This will give the person time to mentally play back the verbal abuse, and apologize if it was unintentional.
Avoid becoming defensive. By its nature, verbal abuse is often unfair or irrational, so it may not do any good to try to set the record straight.
Keep an eye on your body language and facial expressions. Avoid scowling, finger-pointing and slamming down the phone. Angry gestures can make the situation worse even if you speak calmly.
Respond in a respectful way. Many people use hurtful words because they don't know how else to express themselves, so it won't help to act the way they do. Instead, set a good example by treating them with the respect you'd like them to give you.